My Semester

I've spent the last semester not only studying linguistics, french, japanese, and (for some reason) healthcare, but also applying for a study abroad and several scholarships to finance it. So it's been pretty busy, busy enough for me to drop my only literature class (it's my major) because it was just too much work and there weren't enough hours in the day.

A few weeks ago I found out that I won a major scholarship, THE biggest study abroad scholarship offered at our school. Not only did I win it (after a pressure-filled interview, I might add), but the amount -- which is generally between $2,000 to $10,000 ended up being $12,000!!! My total estimated financial need is $26,000, and my normal financial aid is around $10,000. So this one scholarship dropped my need to only $4,000. I was so thrilled -- and shocked, since of course I was questioning everything I said in the interview for the entire weekend that they were deliberating -- that I called my dad immediately to tell him.

Anyway, after that the rest of the semester seemed easy as pie. I was invited to a celebratory dinner for scholarship donors and recipients at which I shmoozed it up: very unlike me. There were 600 guests there, and I got a ride from my Honors professor, the head of the Health Sciences Department of the university. I was seated next to the Padnos family, the really rich and really generous family who decided to give me the money, and the President of the university and his wife. I was at THE table, right up front, higher up even than my professor. It was a pretty big night.

Anyway, after all of that, like I said, nothing seems that bad anymore. I think I was really doubting myself before, and I think, after the interview, it was one of those moments that could make my entire mindset turn one of two ways. It was just like during my senior year of high school when I submitted an extremely personal fictionalized short story and a bunch of people got letters signifying that they won the contest but I didn't. I was so stressed out about it that I decided, even wrote down, that if I didn't win I would never write anything personal like that again. I found out a couple of classes later that I did actually win, and I think that it was a really fortunate thing because writing is nothing without those personal moments.

It was the same thing after the interview; I put my whole self into talking to those people, who sat and listened and judged what I was saying and who I was. I was completely honest, and after I left I realized how flaky I must have sounded rattling off all of my varied academic and personal interests and unable to really give them an answer when they asked what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I honestly told him that I had no career goals because I was still searching for something to be passionate about. After that, for days afterward, I questioned not only my answers in the interview, but my decision to go to Tokyo, to up and leave and explore something so different from what I'm used to without ever having been there or knowing whether or not I would even enjoy it, much less love it.

But during the scholarship dinner, Peg Padnos -- who was part of the interview and helped decide on behalf of the Padnos family who would receive scholarships -- talked about how excited I was when I talked about languages and my interest in Japanese culture, and I realized that by giving me this money for my trip, they were also giving me support for my studies and my future; they were telling me that they believed in what I'm going to do, that they believed that it was worth it and that I would make a different somehow. And, honestly, that meant so much more than the money.

Well anyway, there's one more scholarship that I haven't heard back from yet, so if that turns out well, I'll be extremely happy. Plus, there are grants and scholarships from GVSU that don't require applications; I'll know for sure how much they give me next month probably. So far, things are going really well. This weeks is finals week, then I have six weeks of intensive French classes, then six weeks of hanging out in South Bend, then ten months of living in another country where I barely speak the language.